This isn't really about success, but this is the antidote to my last post, "on failure and men". And "successful" was a word used to describe me - by a man - not too long ago. So let's go with it.
I previously removed, and then recently republished, my last post. I am aware that it is very negative - against myself, and against men. But weren't they some clever observations that I made in a clever way?
But today I'm feeling more positive. And I owe the men an explanation.
Firstly I want to clarify that when I complain about "men", I don't really mean "men"... I don't have a problem with half-the-adult-population. (I mean sure, as a feminist I do somewhat have a problem with y'all... but that's about power structures and all that horrid stuff.) When we're talking about PEOPLE, of course I like men. As family members, colleagues, even as friends. Some of my favourite people are men don't you know... even some of my greatest champions and wisest counsellors.
What I wanted to quit was of course not a whole section of society, but my own warped attachment to certain members of the group. By "men"... I mean the humans that I made into sexual-romantic objects. Which is my doing, not theirs.
Secondly. Hmmm. Well first I need to state that I'm still annoyed at all the older women who hear my plea that I have quit men, and dismiss it. The answer "you'll meet someone" is... infuriating. I mean, for one thing, you're just ignoring what I am plainly stating that I want. Which isn't very nice of you. For another, it does sound a bit like you're siding with the MEN. Why are you on their side and not mine?! (Not that it's a battle. See above.) But still... aren't we modern feminists who don't need men? Why do you insist that a man is the answer to my life?
Well... it is because you are romantics.
And so am I.
Yes, ultimately, it is a defence mechanism. I had vowed off romance because I don't believe it is something that I get to have.
For me finding romantic love is like chasing the end of a rainbow. There's that rainbow, clear as day, and seemingly so close... and then it vanishes should I ever dare to approach it.
I still don't know anything about anything. But I wonder if the rainbow could teach me something. About enjoying beautiful moments while they exist, instead of trying to pin them down.
